it feels so much like drowning back to the sky as you lie down. very high. but back in here. again. gasping the city’s midnight breeze through a tiny window. sometimes a million things come at once. and i often think about stuff, just so that all of a sudden, it slips my mind. it rhymes with my daily beat, the one two one two and one two, or as long as i could remember, i know, youngsters have stuff lingering in the air.  

it won’t grow stronger, 
i build no empires, 
unlike the many.
i submit to the sea.

today i thought about my age, about how far i’ve gone. it gets short as always. i make it, every day, the first day of my life, to reset many struggles. but so often, and just so casually, the thought of getting old freaks me out. there, me, old, exposed, unloved, vulnerable… stuck, half-conscious, in this universe. it’s hard to detangle my crumpled thinkings lumping together like, oh, when is it my turn to fall apart? 

i miss talking about the people. 

it’s 2AM and i’m reseting my lifespan counter again: me, confused creature. i don’t know where i belong. but i crave for a millions times a peaceful morning clock making its tick tock sound: “it’s like when i woke up to the summer, my room turned into the universe”


THOUGHT ON SELF - 11.09.17